Razorblade Serenades
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Sunday, August 26, 2007
10:20PM - Agnosia
Fuck college, I don't want to go. I doubt I'll be able to take any of the classes I want to and the whole thing seems lame.
"The world means nothing to a dreamer"- FDJ
"Back and forth, I sway with the wind. Resolution slips away again, right through my fingers, back into my heart where it's out of reach and it's in the dark. Sometimes I think I'm blind or I may be just paralyzed, because the plot thickens every day and the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin' away, but I know, there's a picture beneath. Indecision clouds my vision, no one listens because I'm somewhere in between my love and my agony. You see, I'm somewhere in between. My life is falling to pieces, somebody put me together. Layin' face down on the ground, my fingers in my ears to block the sound, my eyes shut tight to avoid the sight, anticipating the end, losing the will to fight."- FNM
[do you understand] yes.
Current mood: 
mellow
Current music: Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
2:48AM - More Pathetic Then Apathetic Really
"And there won't be any silence till it's gone, there won't be any silence till I'm gone. Look away, you're watchin me as I slip away cause everything I know just falls apart." - Unloco
It's always this time of year when I fall apart again and they all do too.
Current music: Dry Kill Logic - In Mebmoria Di
Sunday, May 6, 2007
8:05PM - Lone Solider
A night that changed it all. Cinco De Mayo, Otep style.
[thats my hand right infront near the crotchal area]
Though they didn't play Jonestown Tea it was still amazing, plus I've already seen it live.
The Ascension, can't wait
"I've tasted hell, and it tastes just like you"
SS4L
Current mood: content
Current music: Otep - Nein
Monday, April 23, 2007
11:27PM
What have I done, I don't want this. I don't know if I can take it back.
Current mood: 
worried
Current music: Sinch - Hydroplane
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
10:45PM - Celebrate Good Times, Come on
fun for everyone
Current mood: ecstatic
Current music: Chimaira - Spit
Sunday, April 8, 2007
12:34AM - Seroquel
"Resurrection is for those who didn't get it right the first time" - Otep
I feel like making a random entry so that's what I'm doing. I don't wanna leave my room but I came out to go on the computer and listen to music. I'm getting all dopey, I'm sure I'll delete this sometime soon, or not, I don't know. I hate everything, maybe CSI is on. :)
random Fight Club quote:
"Only after you've lost everything are you free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart."
oh yeah and I got fired... I need a damn job.
Current music: Korn - Predictable
Monday, April 2, 2007
4:15AM - I Felt the Black Rain
I saw Aaron with DP, Darky, and Kat. It was amazing as usual but he played BLACK FUCKING RAIN live so it was extra special. The above picture was acutally taken while he was playing it. He bought out Chris Ballini again which was awesome. Next is Stone Sour, Shadows Fall, and Lacuna Coil with Darky and Hen. Then OTEP with SMURF KILLER!
She's beautiful
Current mood: content
Current music: Stone Sour - Tumult
Thursday, March 22, 2007
9:39PM - Thunderfuck
I'm orbiting around star69 but I'm still standing in the dark.
"It won't give up it wants me dead, goddamn this noise inside my head" -NIN
{{It's cold on this thing}}
I started to tell myself everyday I wake up, "Ok, this is the day I'm am going to start really living my life"
That was about 5 months ago
Fuck all these milligrams, liver levels, and slow realese tablets, I just need a pit :)
ashiahhfhsadhghhgaoihwe'psadgaiorewfcjsdihgaigjqiwfifjisajgf
Current mood: uninspired
Current music: 40 Below Summer - Relapse
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
11:27PM - Happy Hallmark Bullshit
Here is a nice little Valentines Day poem by the man, Chad Grey...
"Dark for fear of failure an inner gloom as wide as an eye and fermenting roiling hate death grip in my veins unveiling rancid petals flowering forth foul nectar the space between a blink and a tear...death blooms."
Current music: Atomship - Time For People
Thursday, February 8, 2007
12:43AM - She Was An Artist
Rest In Peace Deb, you will be missed.
So much potential ahead of her and way too young to die....
Current mood: 
sympathetic
Current music: Staind - Waste
Saturday, January 27, 2007
11:53PM - /|\Pretty Hate Machines\|/
I had a great time upstate. It was great seeing Aaron again. He amazes and inspires me every time. I liked gambling legally too. There's something inside thats going on though. I don't know when it started or why or what its doing. I just feel like I'm slipping or shifting some how. Odd. It couldn't have started more then two weeks ago. I can't remember the triggers, probably cliche shit. Shit with my parents or shit with my past, who knows or cares. Everything is getting blurrier and a shade or two darker when the sun goes down. I fucked up my brand new expensive phone. Yeah, pretty pissed at myself for that. Thats another $50 bucks not in my pocket. Oh well, you only live once right? I sure as hell hope so. I hopefully get to see SK tomarrow and catch a movie. It's gonna be good times, that what I need. For some reason I feel like I'm gonna be have a lack of good times over the next couple months. Maybe I'm just gettin paranoid. ::the captin has turned on the 'fasten your seatbelt' button. We are going to be experiencing some minor turbulence:: I only like roller coasters and amusement parks. I really gotta stop procrastinating my life. I need to focus on my shit, like Spewy on his art. I can't become a zombie. It's time to do some brain storming in my chemically altered brain. I'm such an asshole. I can't turn anything into a fight or flight scenario. I always feel the need to hide. I can make anyone hate me or think I'm a total psycho in a week. That's something I'll bet money on, lots of it. Every problem repeats itself until you correct the glitch. I'm such a glitch. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point it's all so cryptic in my head. Oh well, I'm going to go to sleep. It's so much better to be uncontious during these times.
Random quote time..
"I've got nowhere else to go, they made this world so hard. If I had somewhere else to go then I could be a star like you, special like you."- hed p.e.
Current mood: hollow
Current music: Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have
Thursday, January 25, 2007
6:10PM - Make Me Question Me
The psychotropic demi-god or just an illegitimate child of god?
Current mood: numb
Current music: Queen - The Show Must Go On
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
12:27AM - The Mourning After
Tired of chasing - Happiness just runs away
Tired of waiting - all the life not meant for me
I am sinking - I am burning in this hell
Tired of filling - All these holes within myself
I feel the darkness and it leaves me cold
I feel like I don't belong here at all
At all
I don't belong here
My reflection - Out of focus, I can't see
No direction - I am blinded by disease
Something's changing
Something's growing near inside
I am shaking - Is all that's left to me is
Changed
I feel the darkness and it leaves me cold
I feel like I don't belong here at all
I feel the darkness and it leaves me cold
I feel like I don't belong here at all
At all
I don't belong here, at all
I don't belong here, anymore
‘Cause I died for you
‘Cause I died for you
And I died for you
Would you cry for - For me?
You left me here to die (For me)
Mangled my hopes and dreams of life (For me)
And would you even cry for me? (For me)
You left me here to die (For me)
Mangled my hopes and dreams of life (For me)
And would you even cry for me?
-40BS
Current music: 40 Below Summer - Day I Died
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
5:29AM - Free The Banana!
I'm so excited I can't sleep. She's coming home tomarrow. SMURF KILLER in the house. Well not yet. I hope she likes what I made her. This sounds so pathetic. I hate entries like this. Insomnia is to blame for this one. Why can't like 2pm just come right now! READY GOOOOOOOOO. Fuckin a. Oh well. I'm just gonna put up some lyrics cause I feel like a dumbass now.
"Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window
Go back to sleep
Lay your head down child I won't let the boogeyman come
Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you, like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do.
Just stay with me, safe and ignorant,
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep
Lay your head down child I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums
I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself
Swayin to the rhythm of the new world order and
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums
The boogeymen are coming
The boogeymen are coming
Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drums
Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
Hold you and protect you from the other ones
The evil ones
Don't love you son,
Go back to sleep"
- APC
Current mood: excited
Current music: Slayer - Disciple
Friday, November 17, 2006
1:43AM - Born From The Ashes Of The Great
Best new band around. I really hope I get to see them again in PA. Fuck the darkness, remember the sun, embrace your flaws and come now to the Market.
"Worship and bleed for me now" - Max Illige
- The Infamous Addict
"I fell from the mirrors reflection that burns through my eyes, I cry. How can I fail? Again I swear I'll let you down. I can feel the ugliness, within the sickness crawling in my skin. It's reconstructing me again. This life, this ugliness.No way to escape from the silence that takes me over and burns me alive. It's suffering"
[Training Day by 40 Below Summer]
Current mood: 
blah
Current music: Bloodsimple - September
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
2:59AM - Just Another Drunk Entry
I'll never be what I want to be in the end. That's the sad, awful truth that I'm faced with. I can't face it though. I still try despite the obsticles that look impossible. I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, original enough, smart enough, daring enough... so fuck enough, I want to be it. I want to be everything I've dreamed of and more. I want to be that person on stage pouring her heart out in a show that gets your head banging and your heart bleeding. I want to be something I'll never be.
Fuck I need another drink
Fuck
- The Infamous Fuck Up
Current mood: 
drunk
Current music: The Dust Brothers - This Is Your Life
Saturday, October 14, 2006
10:54PM - Random Thoughs With An Obit. Ending
Smurf Killer just left my house. I miss how it all used to be. It's getting really cold. I hate feeling the cold air on my face sometimes. I just listened to the Drowning Pool song called Tear Away. In most cases music is the only way you can hear the truth in some people, in their lyrics and their voice. I love this song so much, it's probably in my top 3 favorite Drowning Pool songs but Dave lies in the song. He says, right before the guitar solo, "goddamn I love me" But that's a lie. If he did love himself he wouldn't have drank so much and did so many drugs and would still be alive today making music, which he loved, and money, which he needed, and maybe even have a family. The singer after him sucked and now they have the former Soil singer Ryan which should be pretty awesome. Nothings as good as the original though. I'm reading this Chuck Palahniuk book, it kicks ass. I forgot how much I love him. One of my favorite quotes from him besides anything from Fight Club, which is my favorite movie and one of my favorite books, is "Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head." or on a more serious note, "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
Dave Williams, 30 years old, born in NY. Survived by his band, Drowning Pool. Talanted motherfucking metal frontman. Amazing scream and great voice. Creative and kind, funny as fuck. He is missed. When he finally made it everything was taken right back, what a damn shame.
Current mood: 
artistic
Current music: Disturbed - Shout 2000
Saturday, October 7, 2006
5:11AM - 1st Night Of The 2nd Day of the 2nd Two Nights 'O Tool fest '06
Tool was fucking incredible. FUCKING LASERS! Now for one of my favorite sections of a Tool song....
"If I let you, you would make me destroy myself. But in order to survive you, I must first survive myself. I can sink no further and I cannot forgive you. There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you. I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain. I will use my mistakes against you. There's no other choice. Shameless now. Nameless now. Nothing now. No one now. But my soul must be iron cause my fear is naked. I'm naked and fearless and my fear is naked." - written by Naynard but performed by Henry Rollins in Tool's song "Bottom"
or the other version I've never heard before...
"You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild what's broken. Too much, too far, too late to lie down now. I must arm myself to fight you by making weapons out of my imperfections. It's all I have left. There's no other choice. I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and no one now. But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked. I'm naked and fearless. But I'm dead inside. You see shit adds up, now I'm dead inside. Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive at the bottom." - also written by Maynard
Current mood: 
tired
Current music: Pearl Jam - Once
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contemplative
